Random Post: I Wanted Coffee, I’ve Been Marketed & Visually Abused

Totally random post is about to follow. You have been warned.

When was the last time you actually took a few moments to take in transactions going on around you? Lets take my very simple trip to Mc Donald’s for my Friday coffee shot this morning.

I jump in the car and immediately I am told I need fuel, besides the swear word about my partner not filling it up, I realise I have not even started my journey and I am being told that I need to make a purchase, this does not bow well for the rest of it.

$%&~| brilliant, I might as well get my wallet out and sprinkle the entire car with cash, yep you guessed it the car now says ‘Arrange Service’. I decided to futilely ignore all spending warnings on the lump of tin and proceed to get my much needed intake of caffeine.

After counting 4 bill boards, 2 scaffolding companies and I could not keep track of on-car advertising, I finally made it past the petrol station, to spy two sets of transactions in immediate progress, the first ‘the queue’ in the shop, the second someone sticking their card into the pump. Personally I sometimes relish in the faceless transactions of petrol pumps, they’re so well scripted, the entire Indian population could learn from them.

I’m ignoring the pub to my right, its not open yet (shame), Sainsbury’s and the car lot to my left. Finally the golden arches of the Big M and my eyes instantly hit the white  Mc Donald’s lettering across the place. I am almost there, I can taste it.

Ace, one car in front, I pull up at the drive through window and see the woman in front ordered a 2.99 meal, I order my ‘Large Black Coffee’ and turn the bend. WTF She’s just paid with a card, for a £2.99 meal. Damn, parting with cash is too easy.

Handing over my £1.49 for the pot of black gold, I arrive at the next window to be greeted by a smile and a pot of gold, the chap recognises me and says ‘no holder, no milk, no stir’er, have a great day’. Jeas is it not bad enough that I have just been rough-lessly slammed through the Mc Daddy’s of ALL TIME franchising, but the chap to recognise me and go that one stage further? I make my getaway fast.

Bugger, I distinctly remember someone saying ‘milk’ as I walked down the steps, so stop in the ‘back shop’. I don’t know who does the marketing for these places, but typically its not done well, I can’t see in the shop for all the posters and clutter, if this was someone website, I’d shoot them.

Immediately as I enter I am forced to eye-swing the tinned items, now it hits me. WTF Why don;t they put their high value items right here, at eye level. Matt stop it, I’m getting my milk and running. I eagerly smile and hand over the 60p of convenience for 1 pint of milk and run.

Four ‘For Sale Signs’, more car advertising and I’m home, I feel safe, at least until my ad-block fails in Chrome. Epic, all I wanted was coffee.

4 replies
  1. Sailorman13
    Sailorman13 says:

    Dude!!! You call yourself a coffee lover, and you go through all that trouble for a mug of swill from McD’s???? That bilge water ain’t worth cranking the car over for.

    Get yourself an Aeropress and a decent grinder, need not be a high $ one like the Espresso snobs use.
    Aeropress is about $26 and Bodum has a new model grinder for about $90 on Amazon that works great.
    Aeropress makes the best cup ever. I gave away my $300 drip machine a month after I got one. I also gave up using sugar in my coffee. In less than 2 minutes, including grind time, the Aero makes such a smooth cup, with no bitterness, that it doesn’t need sugar. Check it out on Amazon. There’s about 10,000 reviews, 95% of which are 5 star, or 4 or whatever the highest rank is.

    Then, if you want to take it to the next level, (warning: You’ll never touch McD’s or Charbucks again) put out another $100 or so, and get a little tabletop roaster. A “Fresh-Roast” willl roast about 8 cups worth of beans in 10 minutes and you can get gourmet green beans from all over the world for about $5-7/lb. including shipping in the U.S.. U.K. shipping may differ, but Good God man. McDonalds??? Eewwwww…. You might know your e-commerce, but you’ve just disqualified yourself from ever discussing coffee again.

    BTW, it’s “bode well”, not “bow well”, even in that weird English you guys speak over there. : )


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