Why I am Envious of a Cocaine Addict

Why I am Envious of a Cocaine Addict

To explain this properly I need to share a short story with you. I am fully aware that this article is controversial by its very nature, if you read it in full, you’ll understand how on earth I could possibly come to the conclusion I came to.

Friday Drinks

To set the scene its Friday and I’m out for an evening drinking with some friends, we’ve met up at one of my favourite bars, its a boat called the Apple in the centre of Bristol and they only serve cider (hence the name).

After having an evil “day after” a few weeks back suffering from mixing 10 or more different ciders, I had decided to stick with cans instead of tap house ciders and Thatchers Gold was my poison of choice.

After a couple, we decide to move on, pay a visit to Vodka Revolutions and proceed to drink some vile concoction called “Mojito”, which had more ice & plants in it and is positively evil. Although this did spur some random photo’s that were promptly uploaded to Facebook and possibly the worst close-up shot of me was taken.

After finishing off that interesting mixture of plants (mint apparently, tastes rank on its own), ice, some sugary powder base (not cocaine!!) & alcohol we move on to the next bar, where some old friends are spotted. They’re positively wasted, although suited up in the traditional recruitment consultant grey suits, loud, but still holding it together.

Another round of Mojito’s arrive and this lot made the first round taste like lemonade, as I think the bartender put too much of or the wrong sugar base in it and ruined them completely. Anyway, after one of them falling over & promptly ejected by the doorman, the other two deciding enough was enough, decided to leave and one was left, let’s call him “Dave”.

After another mixer round of rum & coke, washed down with a pint of Strongbow, we moved on and ended up at another bar, feeling pretty alert after the thus-far alcohol intake, I started to listen in on a conversation between Dave and another. Now this is where it got interesting.

Dave has been a long term coke user that had progressed to rocks (or known as crack, which is the most addictive shit of them all), in the next 10-15 minutes I hear one of the most horrific stories I’ve ever heard on how it’s affected Dave’s life, in and out of CA rehab, family & relationships.

The guy literally poured his guts out to us in those few minutes and I was speechless (which for those who know me personally, it can be ni-on impossible to shut me up after, even before drinking). It was a journey that I am personally so glad I’ve never taken, although none-the-less exceptionally interesting, although I feel ‘horrific’ is an understatement.

Dave left us around 2 am, we were pretty sure he was off to score before bed, I had another pint after he left just to try & comprehend what I had listened to.

The Only Positive Point

Now where the hell could I get envy from in such an awful turn of events I had just been privy to?

It’s simple, motivation.

Now here’s the thing, do you think Dave would be wide awake and in his office by 09:00 the next morning? You bet your ass he was going to be. He’d have been in there before 9 and on the phones straight away, driving results to fund his habit.

Now do not believe for one second I am an advocate of hardcore drug abuse, my line has always been alcohol, tobacco and trying (badly) to chat up the opposite sex, of which the latter I gave up on 12 years ago (getting hitched next year).

Sometimes we all lack motivation, I know I do at times. However, in this extreme case, pretty-much the only positive I could pull from it, was that regardless of what events unfolded in Dave’s personal life and putting every bad effect of coke to one side that he would be highly motivated to succeed.

5 replies
  1. Matthew Ogborne
    Matthew Ogborne says:

    To add to this article further…

    I had looked at the chap in question in admiration for the one quality, motivation, mainly because at the time I felt that I was missing this personally. It wasn’t until another night out recently that I had overlooked that I was also possession this quality, I had just not identified it at all.

    Drunk to the absolute limits, I stumbled home. When I say drunk, I’m meaning completely “blindo”, walking at one point involved crawling and when I did walk it was more of a bounce off everything going and I can distinctly remember stopping to sit on a wheely bin I had knocked over to rest on.

    The walk when sober is 20-25 minutes, drunk more than hour, this time I think it took me two. It was daylight by the time I finally arrived home.

    As I sat on the doorstep to rest from the journey home, I had realised that article wrote about the motivation I had longed for in someone else’s experiences, I had just shown it myself, the desire to get home.

    Now… with no hangover, feeling better about the previous situation, its something I can use as a base point. I now know I can display epic motivation when needed, I had just not recognised it before.

    Random addition I know, but thought it was worthwhile adding.


  2. Rob Cubbon
    Rob Cubbon says:

    Interesting article, Matt. Although any form of addiction always ends up very bad for the user and their family, there are fine lines between addiction, obsession and determination.

    I’ve battled with a few demons in my time and I wish your friend all the best.

    • Matthew Ogborne
      Matthew Ogborne says:

      Howdy Rob,

      Hope all is well?

      Yes agreed, there is definitely a fine line between them all.

      There was a curious part of a file I watched recently called the corporation that basically compared a psychopath to a corporation & the comparison was not favourable. Interesting viewing, but could easily distort ones views on the positives sides as well.


  3. Kids Bee Happy
    Kids Bee Happy says:

    Reminds me of when I used to sit on the doorstep, stressed as anything, after trying to juggle hubbys business, 2 completely incompetent staff, a village shop & post office, a toddler and a baby, and deeply deeply wishing that I smoked. That way, my body would demand that I stopped every couple of hours and went outside to do nothing other than indulge my cravings and give my brain a rest. But quickly got past it. But just for a moment, every now and then, it seemed like a good idea.

    • Matthew Ogborne
      Matthew Ogborne says:


      Sadly I do sit there on the doorstep too often. I know its about time I quit (again).

      I must say, if that was your circumstances at the time, you did exceptionally well not to get tempted!



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